The City of Brass

OK! New Year! I'm gonna do this blog thing!

But for real, I had good reasons for not writing over the past few months, so sorry about all the amazing books you've missed hearing about. But it's fine! I'm back! And I've already read 4 books this year!

The first one I'm going to talk about is The City of Brass BECAUSE IT WAS AWESOME, OK?! I've seen it around, but haven't heard as much chatter about it as I have other books. It could be because everything I follow is YA centric, and this is technically adult fantasy (even though really, it could totally be YA; one of the two POVs is 16 and the other is 20 so really, it's just a technicality, much like Queen of the Tearling).

So, a summary:

It's the Napoleonic era and Nahri is a con-woman/healer/thief. Nahri has been on her own a long time, so she had to get creative to survive. She's learned how to spot a mark, how to read people, and how to swindle them. And she makes a decent living from it. But what she really wants is to be a doctor. See, Nahri has a special talent: she can sense what is wrong in a body and sometimes, she can even heal it. She also has a gift for languages. She can understand/speak any language once it's spoken to her. But there is one language she knows that she's never heard anyone else speak. She assumes it must be the language from her homeand, but she has no idea where that is or who her family is.

One night, she's performing a healing, and during her chanting, calling on a warrior for healing (for effect, because you know, words have no healing powers),  someone appears. A man who swears a lot and is very angry to have been summoned by a human. The problem, as he discovers, is that Nahri is not fully human. She's half Daeva (djinn {shafit}), which is an abomination all its own.

This warrior is Darayavahoush (Dara), and ancient Daeva who was once turned into a slave and served humans for hundreds of years. He doesn't know how she summoned him, but he knows the safest place for her is the City of Brass, where the djinn live.

In the City of Brass, Ali is a second son, prince who is raised to be something similar to a head of security for the nation. He will protect his kingdom with his life, never marry or have a family. His father is the king, and is testing him. For he knows Ali has sympathies and questionable loyalties. Not everyone is treated equally in The City of Brass, and Ali wants that to change. So he's secretly been funneling money into an anarchic organization--not so they can bring the government down, but rather, so they can help the half human, half djinn (shafit) members of their society who are so mistreated.

There is so much happening in this book, and it's all so well plotted and the world building is just magnificent. It deftly tackles racism, the meaning of justice, good and evil, all while building complex relationships between the characters.  Everyone in this book is so fleshed out. They are all morally gray (Nahri preys on the gullible to make her living, Dara started a war that killed thousands of innocents, and Ali executes a good man because he was told to). And that's just the main characters. The supporting cast is similarly well thought out and it was simply delightful. I can't wait for the mext book, because it's going to delve into secrets that I know were kept in this one.

So, basically--read it. Tell me what you think when you do (even though I will likely have forgotten half the story by then bc I have THE WORST memory).

P.S. The cover of this book is beautiful, so when you see it, I don't  know how you can resist it unless you're some kind of monster.

Jane, Unlimited

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't finish it. Don't you hate when that happens? I hate when that happens. First, I feel like I'm missing something when I don't finish a book. And I am,  because obviously I don't know the resolution. Second, because I'm not getting what everyone else seems to get. I start thinking, am I reading it wrong?

But there are too many good books out there for me to spend time reading books I don't enjoy. I tried for almost 100 pages of this 443 page book. I really did. What gets me is that this book was inspired by (and pays homage to) Rebecca and Jane Eyre. I LOVE THOSE BOOKS! HOW DID I NOT LOVE THIS ONE?

I really think that was actually part of the problem--it felt like the characters were behaving as if they were in the 1800s/1900s but also as if they were contemporary, and I couldn't tell what the time period was supposed to be.

Jane's an orphan who has been living with her adventurous aunt for most of her childhood. But she's grown up now, and her aunt has died. Before she died, she extracted a promise from Jane: if she was ever invited to Tu Reviens, she was to accept. Jane doesn't understand why, but she agrees. And then her high school tutor, Kiran, invites Jane to Tu Reviens.

Well, the weird thing is that as you learn about them, you can tell they're not even friends. They barely know anything about each other. Kiran is distant and cold. So why did she even extend the invite? Then they arrive at the house and there's an odd assortment of other characters with weird relationships to each other also there, and I never could really figure out why. The relationships between characters felt very abrupt. Not in their development--most of them have known each other for a long time. It just feels hard to understand why they're there. They don't seem to like each other. It also feels like the Clue movie--a bunch of people assembled together for a reason and they all have their own agendas. I expected the butler to come out and say, "There was a murder!" Never happened, but there was a priceless piece of art stolen.

So this was originally supposed to be a choose your own adventure story. It was revised, but what you have is a kind of introduction to the characters and setting, and then 5 different choices (for Jane) that end five different ways. I didn't get that far, so I don't know what actually happened. I finished the intro, but couldn't bring nyself to read the rest. I didn't like the main character--she was rude. When I don't like a main character, I have trouble with the book as a whole. I mean, it seems silly because there are legit bad (not badly written, but bad) characters out there. I don't like them, but they're at least riveting and that makes the story better. I didn't feel the same about Jane. So this was a bust for me. It makes me sad.

But! On to bigger and better things! Well, at least better...

The Program

Wow, The Program was unique. And infuriating. And terrifying. This is a whole new type of Dystopia, people.

In this world (one not too far distant from our own), depression and suicide are an epidemic. Something like one in four teens commit suicide. Sloane knows this fact intimately after her older brother committed suicide, and there was nothing she could do to stop him.

To battle this epidemic, an organization called The Program arose. The Program has the cure, or so it advertises. But the teens who walk out its doors are shells of the people they used to be.

No teen wants to be taken into the program. When teens come out, they don't remember their friends. They don't recognize them. They're kept separated. They have handlers who stay with them for weeks. But, every day at school, teens have to fill out an assessment that asks how they feel. And if there's a wrong answer-or god forbid a tear leaks from your eye at any point--you could get flagged and taken to the Program. 

Obviously, Sloane gets taken into the Program. And she's pissed about it. And I was pissed too! Sometimes when you're reading, you get such a sense of frustration by what is happening to the character. Sometimes, I cry because I'm so frustrated that a character has no way out of a situation. I cried for Sloane.

For weeks, these "psychiatrists" are sucking her memories away--everything that is important to her aand that makes her HER--and she knows it's going to happen but doesn't realize it's happening. Does that make sense? It will if you read it. And it's infuriating! Because if she doesn't take the pills that keep her complacent, they'll just inject her with the meds. So there's no way out.

I didn't love it. It wasn't the best Teen book I've ever read. But I'm glad I read it. It's kind of a classic. I might finish the series if it comes up. I did feel a lot of emotions throughout it. A lot of anger. Sadness. Irritation (come on Sloane, can't you tell you're being duped here?). There's a classic love triangle, but it doesn't really feel like one for most of the book.

All that was pretty jumbled. Sorry-I haven't  blogged in a while and just wanted to get it all out so I wouldn't keep procrastinating. 👍 Happy reading!

Wonder Woman: Warbringer

First of all, guys, Leigh Bardugo is my queen. I love everything she writes. I'm going to a signing of hers later this month and let's all hope I'm not PMSing at the time because there will be happy tears. I'm stupid excited.

Second of all, I don't even care about DC all that much because all of their movies have been trainwrecks. But Wonder Woman was amazing. AMAZING!

So to have my favorite author write such an amazing story in my favorite genre: heaven, ya'll.

In Warbringer, Diana knows that she has a powerful legacy to live up to, and she feels wholly inadequate to it. She's the only one on the island of Themyscira who hasn't earned her place there. All of the other women have died and cried out to a goddess at their death. Diana was born there. So she has a lot to prove, but few chances in which to do it. Her mother won't let her leave the island on a quest, so she tries to prove it by winning a foot race. Because you don't enter a competition to lose.

But the path she takes leads her by the sea,  where she sees a ship sinking and hears a girl cry out. It is punishable by banishment to bring someone onto the island, but Diana cannot just stand by and let someone die. Obvs.

So she brings her to the island, only to find out from the oracle that this is no ordinary human: she's the Warbringer. A being around whom tensions run high and fights break out. Helen of Troy was the first Warbringer, and she passed the gene to women in her line as generations passed. And we all know what happened with Helen...

Alia has no idea she is the Warbringer. She's just a Greek/African American girl from a wealthy family that is beset by threats. So she is protected by security continuously, especially after her parents died and her older brother took over care of her. So Alia was not supposed to be on this ship in the Mediterranean (where I assume Themyscira is). She did it to be free for once. And see how that turned out? Rebellious teenagers get into all kinds of scrapes.

Diana learns that the ony way to prevent Alia from starting World War 3 just by being alive is to find the resting place of Helen of Troy. So begins a journey to Greece, on which they are joined by Alia's brother, Jason, his best friend Theo (also Alia's lifelong crush) and Alia's best friend Nim. And the whole way, different factions are chasing them to kill Alia because no one wants World War 3 and obviously the only way to prevent it is by killing an innocent 17 year old girl. Y'know, for the greater good and all.

What's the most amazing about this book is how epically diverse Bardugo made this cast, despite this story being a primarily Western (caucasian) one. Alia and Jason are biracial, Theo is Brazilian, and Nim is Indian and unabashedly gay.

What's not to love about this?

You get to see Diana in the modern world. The island has tons of books (even modern ones) and women from all time periods, so she's not totally behind the times, but it's different seeing something than reading about it. Hilarity ensues. And Diana is, of course, inhumanly strong, so her first meeting with Jason is pretty fantastic.

There's just so much winning with this book. If you love YA, strong female heroines, clever dialogue, and/or superheroes, you will love this book.

I feel like I want to read it again...

Like, tomorrow...

Should I do it?

Warcross

Typically I'm pretty lukewarm with Marie Lu. I read the Legend series and it was good. Well written, good story, great characters--but I just didn't get into it the way I do with some YA books. I listened to The Young Elites, her other series, and same thing. I'm going to finish it for sure, but I just don't feel the same way when I read it as I do when I read Victoria Aveyard or Leigh Bardugo.

I totally got into Warcross. All the way. It was fantastic! Anyone who loves computers, gaming, virtual reality, and bounty hunters will love this.

Yes, I said bounty hunters.

That's what Emika Chen is. An 18 year old bounty hunter. When her father died two years before, she didn't jave many options for survival (prostitution was one). Not that the bounty hunting gig is necessarily lucrative. She's going to be kicked out of her apartment by the end of the week if she doesn't figure out a way to pay the last three month's rent. And she's figure out a way to do it.

She's going to hack into Warcross, an international virtual reality game where teams compete against each other to attain higher levels so they can compete in the annual international competition. The power ups players earn can be sold in the real world, and the one Emika has her eye on is worth a good $50,000. But she has to hack into the most viewed competition in history to get it at the exact moment one of the players tries to hand it over. And she does! But she glitches herself into the game and EVERYONE EVERYWHERE SEES HER!

I mean, how do you get out of that?

Apparently by getting hired to play Warcross as an undercover bounty hunter. The creator of the game, Hideo Tanaka, needs someome to hunt down the person who's been breaking into his game and and changing it, leaving behind little messed up pieces of code. And he's offering $10 million to the person who does it. He thinks Emika has a good chance.

Seriously, I care nothing about gaming (as my husband can attest), virtual reality, hacking or any of that, and I still devoured this book. It was spectacularly written. Emika is so badass. Her teammates are awesome and know how to give a hard dose of the truth. Hideo is brilliant and standoffish, and thus immensely attractive. The villain is well-developed and sympathetic and multi-layered as all villains should be. The book also gives a scary glimpse into some potential dangers of technology, which is made all the scarier by how possible it is.

I was lucky enough to get this as an ARC, but it comes out this Tuesday, so you don't have to wait long for it.

The Victoria in My Head

Well, another contemporary YA that I really liked. I feel like I'm making a liar out of myself. Or I've been incredibly lucky. Or YA Fiction is changing.

I'm gonna go with the latter.

The Victoria in My Head is about Victoria, a Cuban-American high school student in New York who's focused on getting into a good school (this feels familiar, right?), but her life is incredibly boring. She can predict everything that happens from the time she wakes up in the morning to dinner in the evening. Nothing ever changes.

But.

There's always a but.

Victoria sees a boy putting up a flyer for band auditions. And the boy is gorgeous,  BUT A BAND! The band is looking for a lead singer, and in a moment of insanity, Victoria believes she can do it.

A brief moment.

Then she realizes not only is it a crazy idea, but her parents would never let her.

But luckily, she has a best friend named Annie who isn't afraid to share a video of Victoria's 11 year old self singing. And the band says, come audition! And despite being completely humiliated that they saw the video, she does.

Aaaand she bombs it. Stage fright. She does ok, but didn't blow anyone away.

I mean...of course she gets in. What story would there be without that? She has to hide it from her parents--pretends she's still in track. They find out, of course. She gets in trouble. Pretends to quit. Oh, and there's a love story. The whole time Victoria is with this one guy, I just wanted to scream at her: HE IS CLEARLY THE WRONG ONE! YOU'RE DOING THIS ALL WRONG! It was a first boyfriend, so of course it was all wrong.

Ultimately, it was a cute story. There was nothing spectacular or life changing about it, but it was a fun read. Probably made more fun by the fact that I didn't expect to like it much. I mean, I don't know anything about music, and that was a big part of the book. Every chapter title had a song name and band, and I didn't recognize even one. I probably would have appreciated the story even more if I had.

The characters are fun. The story is fun. Worth reading if you like contemporary fiction.

City of Saints and Thieves

I was intrigued by City of Saints and Thieves because it was one of Barnes and Noble's Discover Great New Writers selections, but it was also YA. I've never seen a Teen book make this list.

The story follows Christina aka Tina aka Tiny Girl aka Tiny. Tina is an excellent thief. She has to be; it was the only way to avoid becoming a prostitute on the streets of Sangui City. She works with the Goondas, a street gang in the city, to make her living--and work toward taking revenge on the man who killed her mother.

When her mother first brought Tina to Kenya from Congo, she found a job as a maid for Roland Greyhill, an American businessman. There, she spends five (7? Can't remember) easy years of childhood, plays with Greyhill's son, Michael, and gets a new sister. But everything changes when her mother is murdered. Tina, 12 years old, takes her sister and flees to the streets because she knows exactly who killed her mom: Mr. Greyhill.

Tina stashes her sister in a nun-run school where she was able to get a scholarship, then goes to the head of the Goondas for help in taking revenge. She wants to kill Mr. Greyhill. But he has other ideas--among them taking Mr. Greyhill's extensive fortune. So he gives Tina a book: The Count of Monte Cristo (and c'mon, this is my all time favorite book. How could I not love this?!) So Tina decides the best formula for revenge is: 1. Dirt. 2. Money. 3. Blood.

So when she gets a chance to break into the house to copy info from Greyhill's computer, she takes it. With a little support from computer genius Bug Boy, she gets all the info she needs tot ake Greyhill down.

She also gets caught.

She has to spend the next week with Mr. Greyhill's son, Michael, who convinces her to try and find proof that his father did it--because Michael is positive he didn't.

This was a whole different type of mystery that was absolutely impacted by the setting. The situation is dire: Tina is beholden to this game, they're chasing down a murderer, being chased by murderers and militia. The book taking place in war-torn Africa just added a new element to what otherwise would have been a typical Nancy Drew type mystery. Tina has much greater concerns than whether her friends will betray her (she knows they will) or what clothes to wear (she lives on a roof, for goodness sake). She has to figure out how to survive on a daily basis.

And there are no happy endings like in your typical YA story. Tina doesn't fix Africa. She doesn't take down the bad guys or a corrupt government. She solves a mystery that has deeply affected her life, and then her life goes back to normal-stealing and surviving.

It was a phenomenal story, and the narrator was spectacular. I cried a few times. I can't imagine a life like many in Africa live. This is my second book recently that takes place there and deals with that violence, and it's horrifying. But I do hope more books are written (and read) about it.

Mask of Shadows

I really wanted this book to be amazing, but it fell far short. One of my friends read it before I did and left a 2 star rating goodreads, so I was a little bit prepared for it being bad. But she didn't give much detail as to how it was bad, and now I know.

The reason I wanted this to be good is because it has a gender fluid main character. This is a major breakthrough for a YA Fantasy. I can think of only 2 YA books with gender fluid characters (Symptoms of Being Human [which is amazing--read it] and None of the Above [which I haven't read]), and they're both in Fiction. Fantasy barely has any LGBT representation, much less the main character, and much much less a gender fluid main character. And just FYI, the author refers to Sal as they/them in the book (not as he/she), so that is how I will reference the main character in my review.

So, synopsis: Sal is a thief. A professional thief. They come from a country that has been decimated by something called shadows, which seem to rip people apart when they kill them. Sal is a refugee, someone who escaped the shadows that basically killed an entire people when another kingdom pulled out it's troops when it was supposed to be protecting them.

The book opens with them ambushing a coach with a lady inside. This is the Lady Elise, who ends up being very important to the story. Sal is robbing her, but they are very charming about it. There is clearly instant chemistry between the two. Sal even lets her keep a sentimental gem, even though they would usually take it. But most importantly, Sal finds a flyer for auditions for a new member of the Queen's Left Hand, which is a team of four assassins. They only do auditions when one has died. Sal sees this as an opportunity to rise in the world and get revenge of the people who wronged their country.

The competition is led by the other 3 members of the Queen's Left Hand, who are all identified by a gem: Amethyst, Ruby, and Emerald. The auditioners are auditioning to be Opal. They're numbered one through twenty three and their goal is to kill each other by whatever means possible, but without it being possible to trace it back to them. Not the most original premise, but not bad. Definitely see echoes of the Throne of Glass and Hunger Games series.

So here are some of my problems with the book, in no particular order:

Confusing transitions between scenes--at the start of a scene, it would describe two characters as there, but then a third character would start talking. There were others, but this happened a lot. It made for a lot of rereading. I kept trying to figure out if I had missed something. I hadn't. It was just inattention to detail.

The love interest was rushed. There was some flirting between Sal and Elise, then some tutoring,  but we don't really know who Elise is except she's a wealthy noble. How are we supposed to care about this relationship? We see her like three times and suddenly, Sal is in L-O-V-E. It's almost lile it was thrown in because the author wanted to show a gender fluid person in love. It wasn't enough of a reason for a shoddy romance.

As a matter of fact, none of the characters were very well developed. This was probably my biggest problem with the book. Aside from the fact that we don't know who anyone is--half the cast is wearing masks and identified by number or gems--there was no sense of their personality. So Sal kept noticing things about people, like where they're from based on accent, whether they're nobles, weaknesses and strengths, and filed it away for future reference. It was kind of Sherlocky. But then they never did anything with that information. It was never used! Maybe that was how the author was trying to develop the characters, but it was pointless bits of information that were not integral to the story at all. I kept thinking it was foreshadowing, but it never was. It's too bad because there were so many things that could have been done with that information, especially for a master thief.

There was just so much more info I needed as a reader. These may be problems the author addresses in the rest of the series, but at that point, it's often too late. Who wants to keep reading a series when the first book wasn't very good? I want such diverse books to be successful, but this one didn't do it for me.

The Epic Crush of Genie Lo

I was blown away by how good Genio Lo is!

First: Chinese mythology! So fresh and welcome!

Second: Badass heroine!

Third: Spectacularly hilarious!

Genie Lo is a Chinese high school student who is preoccupied with beefing up her college apps to get into an Ivy League school. She's also freakishly tall, which makes her stand out. And to top it all off, the new transfer student walks into class and claims her in front of everyone.

At first, I was like No! We don't need an aggressive male love interest! I thought we were past that.

And we are! That was not what was happening (though Genie punched him for it anyway).

Turns out, Genie is powerful. Like, tear down the gates of heaven powerful. And Quentin (the new kid) needs her help to stop the demons that are breaking into this dimension. Obviously, Genie thinks this kid is crazy.

But then she meets a demon. And she's one of the few beings on Earth who can actually help defeat them. As Uncle Ben said, with great power comes great responsibility. And she can't just ignore the evil demons going around trying to eat people. The problem is, how is she supposed do stop them and get into an Ivy League School?

There are so many good things about this story. Genie has a strong friendship with a girl named Yunie, even though she can't tell Yunie anything about why she keeps ditching study sessions to spend time with Quentin. (And it's not to make out). The relationship between Genie and Quentin grows slowly and perfectly. Most of the time, Genie is royally pissed off at Quentin. He kind of invades her life and she resists every step of the way. Unfortunately (in her eyes, not mine) he is gorgeous and she feels alarmingly pulled toward him. Finally, the book is just stinkin hilarious! I read so many scenes out loud to Joe because I kept laughing and I wanted to share with him what was so funny. And I want to share with you what is so funny! But then you won't be pleasantly surprised as I was and I feel like it would just diminish your reading experience if you decide to read it.

So go read it so we can talk about it!

Freya

Freya was a fun, light read. I wouldn't put it at the top of your to read pile, but it was enjoyable. I remember how excited I was when it came in--I mean, Norse mythology, a pretty and colorful cover (which I wish I had taken a picture of!), and a thousands year old goddess as the main character! That sounds right up my alley.

Freya is living in a mental hospital, and has been for 30 years under the name Sara. She influences the staff to sort of forget how long she's been there, to not ask questions about her past and her paperwork. As the goddess of love and battle, apparently that's one of her abilitites. Since we all know gods get their power from their worshippers, Freya thinks she's found a perfect solution to living in a modern, skeptical age. Tell the other patients that she's the goddess Freya and they start believing in her. Thus, more power.

But (there's always a but) one day she has a visitor. She has not had a visitor in 30 years because no one knows she's there. It's a man named Garen, who says he works for an organization that recruits ancient gods to work for them. They go out and round up gods and goddesses to keep tabs on them and keep them from being destructive. What's in it for the gods? Why, a steady diet of worshippers--people who believe in you and increase your power.

Obviously,  Sara (Freya) says no. And that was the wrong answer. Garen tries to kidnap her. She (barely) escapes and runs off with one of the staff--she needs a driver. You probably wouldn't be able to drive if you'd stopped doing it for 30 years too. She tells Nate, the kidnapped staff member, the truth about herself, mostly because she needs help adjusting to life in the 21st century. Nate (barely) believes her, but is convinced once she gets him to fall in love with her for a moment. (She tells him she's going to do it and then lets him out of it). She makes Nate her high priest and he becomes one of her worshippers. I love the dynamic between these two for a couple of reasons. First, they don't fall in love. I think that's pretty important considering she's the goddess of love. Second, they flirt ALL THE TIME, but you can kinda tell it's just who they are--not because they're actually making moves or want to be together romantically. At least I hope that continues to he the case because I really liked their dialogue together--it was clever and funny and without romantic tension.

Together, they decide the best place for her to hide from Garen would be Disneyworld. (Oh boy did that make me happy!!) She gets a job as a princess, using her limited powers to expedite the process, and finds out that those little, dreamy, starry-eyed kids count as worshippers! They have faith in her! Thus, she gets a power boost. (I thought that was cleverly done!)

Anyway, lots of other stuff happens-Action! Kidnapping! Revenge! Lava! (No, seriously, lava!) Apparently this is going to be a trilogy. Makes sense because there were some unresolved things at the end. But guys--I don't know how to keep up with all these great books coming out. Can someone like these reviews so much that they decide they want to pay me to read full time so I can keep writing them? Can that be a thing?

Highly Illogical Behavior

I actually met John Corey Whaley a few years ago in some of my early bookseller days. He used to live in the Shreveport area, and he came into the bookstore to do a signing. At that time, only his first book was out. I think it was called Where Things Come Back. I've never read it, but I remember how cool it was to see another book by him come out.

This was available through the library as an audiobook and I decided to take a chance on it. Highly Illogical Behavior follows Lisa, an aspiring psychologist, and Solomon, a severe agoraphobe. Lisa wants to go to college at the school with the second best Psych program in the country. To do that, she needs a scholarship. And to get a scholarship, she needs to write the best essay about her experience with mental health. And she has the perfect topic.

Three years before, a boy had walked out of the school, stripped his clothes off, and laid down in the big water fountain outside the entrance. Lisa never saw him again. She decided to make him the subject of her essay. Better yet, she was going to write how about she helped him. But first, she had to find him. She finds out his mom is a dentist, wrangles an appointment with her, and tells her she used to go to school with her son. That's when she finds out Solomon hasn't left the house in over 3 years.

Lisa goes into the whole project thinking she's going to be objective. She's going to find out what this boy is so afraid of and therapy him through it without him realizing it. But Lisa finds out Solomon is actually pretty cool and really funny. What she doesn't expect is to become his friend. Solomon even eventually meets Clark, Lisa's boyfriend, and the three become inseparable. I loved reading about (listening to) their growing friendship. It was unlike many other teen fiction stories with the backstabbing and secretly hating each other (although there was like, a chapter of this).

Half the story is also told from Solomon's point of view, and he explains that the world is too chaotic. There are too many things outside his control. At home, he can control his environment, and that makes him feel safe. And even though he has panic attacks before, after, and sometimes while Lisa is visiting, he keeps inviting her back, and lets her enter his world. He gets to a point where he does trust Lisa, and she is able to help him through his attacks and he is able to go outside (to the backyard), but that anxiety is still a part of him. It's not something that could just disappear because he suddenly has friends.

One of the things I thought was really well done was how severely flawed Lisa is as a character. Not flawed like Solomon, where he has an actual mental health problem. But flawed in her thinking. She knows her approach-pretending to befriend someone to treat them--is crossing ethical boundaries, but in her head, it's worth it--for Solomon and her future career. Even her boyfriend, Clark, tells her that what she's doing is not ok (he keeps her secret anyway, but he tries to convince her to tell Solomon). I love that this book demonstrates how profoundly wrong Lisa's way of thinking about mental health is--that it's something that can just be fixed. I also love that Solomon wasn't just a token character who shows the reader how Lisa develops. He was his own, fleshed out, well-developed person. I mean, there's no story without him, but sometimes an author makes such a character a stereotype or what they imagine such a person to be, which can come off as demeaning and spreads misinformation. Solomon is just like any other teenager. He just doesn't go outside.

Personally, I have been very lucky in that I've never had anxiety or depression or low self-esteem or any other of a number of problems that so many people struggle with. I have known many who do, though, and I know it's never something that just goes away. It's always something they have to fight, and sometimes they can't do it alone and that's ok. If you're one of those people, I hope you know how strong you are. It takes a lot to fight the kind of battles you do every day. I hope you know you're not alone and that even when things feel hardest, you're valuable. You have something to contribute. You're important. You're wanted. And if anyone tells you otherwise, I'm happy to tell them to go to hell.

How Dare the Sun Rise

I decided to change it up with some non-fiction this time. A few of the authors I read and follow on Twitter were talking about it a few months ago, and since I needed a change, I decided to borrow it.

I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE IT WAS AMAZING!

I mean, it's someone's life, so how do you say it isn't amazing? But Sandra, who is only 23, has faced so much. And while it seems like a lot to me, a privileged white girl who lives in the U.S., there are thousands of people who have similar experiences to hers.

Sandra spent her childhood in the Republic of Congo, but her tribe is from Rwanda. There is a lot of prejudice toward Rwandans from the Congolese, so even though they lived in a nice house and her parents had good jobs, they always knew their lives could change in a moment. She is one of 7 kids, and her oldest brother was kidnapped and turned into a child soldier. Even though they got him back a few years later, he was injured and traumatized from his experiences. Sandra was the second youngest, only a few years older than her younger sister Deborah. Her childhood sounds pretty typical: going to school, playing with friends, following older siblings around and mimicking them.

Then they learns soldiers are coming, and they become refugees in their own country. They pack everything they can fit in a car, and a driver takes them from their home. They get attacked on the way, most of their possessions are stolen, but they finally make it to a refugee camp. The camp is the kind of place where everyone lives in tents, bathrroms are holes in the grpund, and you have to stand in line for food and water. There is never enough of either. It's drastically different from the way she spent most of her childhood, but that doesn't last either.

The camp gets attacked. People are being shot as they try to leave their tents. The men outside Sandra's tent tell them they won't hurt them, they will keep them safe. Her mother is the first to come out, holding her younger sister Deborah on her hip. Multiple shots are fired at them and they both fall to the ground.

Man, I'm crying just trying to type this up.

Sandra runs the other way, manages to make it out of the tent, but gets caught and a man holds a gun to her head and prepares to shoot her. Keep in mind, she is 10 years old. He gets distracted and she manages to escape into the woods, the blaze of their camp lighting the way. It was called the massacre at Gatumba. The men who led it stepped forward to brag about the 166 lives they destroyed and they were never brought to justice.

It was SO. HARD. TO READ. I knew it would be.

In the rest of the book, she finds her family, they apply to move to America as refugees, and they are accepted. The family faces a whole new set of challenges: learning English, figuring out American food, fitting in at schools, facing microaggressions, flashbacks, and more.

Sandra now speaks about her experiences and tries to bring awareness about what's going on in her country. She's spoken at the UN, shared the stage with Angelina Jolie and Oprah Winfrey, and all this before she was 20. She is the cofounder of Jimbere fund, an organization that helps rural communities in Congo.

Her book was incredible. I definitely recommend it to...well, pretty much everyone.

These Shallow Graves

This book tricked me. It was in the Fantasy section, so I thought, yeah, I'll try it out. There was nothing Fantasy related in the summary but that happens sometimes. Maybe the Fantasy was subtle. Finished the whole book. Not a speck of Fantasy. Legit Historical Fiction the whole time. Which is not a problem! I love Historical Fiction! But I don't love Historical Fiction when I'm expecting Fantasy. My expectations definitely tempered my enjoyment of this book.

These Shallow Graces follows Jo, a nice girl from a good Manhattan family with a bright future ahead of her--the only one really available for a young girl from a good family in the late 19th century: marriage to a gentleman and babies to follow soon after. But Jo wants more--she wants to be a journalist. She has an innate curiosity that she nurtured by working on her school newspaper (is that a thing a girls school would have had in the 1890s?). But one day, she's called to the office to get the news that her father has died. In a locked room. By bullet wound.

Everyone says it must have been an accident. He was cleaning his gun. But Jo wonders why her father, an experienced hunter and gunman, would clean his gun with bullets in the chamber? He wouldn't. Some are saying it was suicide. But that doesn't ring true either. And when Jo overhears a young journalist discussing his death as murder, she decides he's just the one to help her learn the truth.

By day, Jo is your typical young woman looking for a husband. By night, she's a secret journalist, following leads with Eddie Gallagher and venturing into the seedier parts of town. She meets hustlers, prostitutes, coroners, and crimelords all while maintaining her modesty and falling in love.

Like I said, the book was pretty good. I mean, it was painfully obvious who the culprit was, as were numerous other subplot mysteries, but the characters are engaging and the book was actually pretty funny. Ladies, imagine walking down the street and someone offering you money, repeatedly upping the price and trying to convince you to take it. That happens to Jo and she has no idea the man is actually propositioning her. It's hilarious. And seriously, could Eddie Gallagher be a more perfect for name for a journalist?! The answer is no.

And I was curious about how the author would wrap up the love thing. How could Jo end up with the journalist? Her family would never allow it. And if she did marry him, she would be penniless. WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER? I was very satisfied with the way that ended. Just FYI.