Exit, Pursued by a Bear

I just finished listening to Exit, Pursued by a Bear by E. K. Johnston. It's not usually the type of story I would read because 1. It's YA fiction which I mostly don't read and 2. It's about a girl who is raped. I decided to pick it up because I heard good things from a friend. Also, because I met E.K. Johnston once. She stopped at the Barnes and Noble where I work on her way home one time and I got to meet her. She's awesome, btw. She's also won my undying loyalty so there's that...

But back to the book! Exit is about a girl named Hermione Winters. She's co-captain of her cheerleading squad about to enter her senior year of high school. The story opens with her attending her final cheer camp. She's taking it very seriously because at the end of her senior year, she wants her team to win nationals, a huge cheerleading competition. At camp, there's a lot of work to do, but there's fun, too. She's surrounded by her team, and teams from all over Canada, and get the chance to bond with many different people. Then, there's the dance. Hermione is having a great time. She's dancing with her friends, loving the music, out of breath, and someone hands her a drink. The next thing she knows, she wakes up in a hospital bed with her best friend Polly hovering over her. She doesn't remember anything else.

Let me just tell you hard it is riding a bike while bawling your eyes out. It's hard. I mostly listened to this while taking bike rides in the morning, and I'm glad I was alone. This is not the kind of book that you walk away from the same when you're done. Once I started, I felt this visceral need to finish the story, and I didn't want anyone interrupting it. It's hard to immerse yourself in the world of this girl whom this terrible thing has happened to, and then look back up at the real world and realize life is going on.

I feel like two elements had a huge impact on this story.

First, Hermione's fierce best friend, Polly. If anything tragic ever happens to me, I want someone like Polly there to stand up for me and hold me together. Polly was there every day when Hermione needed someone to take care of her. She was also there when it was time for Hermione to be strong on her own. Polly defended her, protected her, and told her the truth when she needed to hear it. She was profoundly unselfish in a way that I imagine it's hard for anyone to be. I want my own Polly and I want to be that strong for someone if anyone I know ever needs it.

The second element was the fact that Hermione didn't remember her rape. This made her post-trauma experience very different. She knew that she was raped, but since she remembered no part of it, she didn't feel like she was raped. She didn't have flashbacks or nightmares. She wasn't frightened to be around men or have someone touch her. She mostly behaved throughout the book like any other teenager, and had to make sure those around her treated her like one. She was relatively emotionally stable. The book demonstrated how different assault experiences have different effects. Just because she wasn't in hysterics doesn't mean it didn't happen, and I think it's an important comment on how our culture responds to rape. The book brings up important questions of victim-blaming and coping mechanisms. Hermione has a loving and supportive family, friends, a team, a therapist. There are numerous people for her to turn to if she needs help. This certainly made a huge difference in her healing process. Those who don't have such a support system in place are at a huge disadvantage.

I don't know if 'love' is the right word for how I feel about this book. It was impactful. It was riveting. It made a strong impression on me. And it was so worth it.