These Shallow Graves

This book tricked me. It was in the Fantasy section, so I thought, yeah, I'll try it out. There was nothing Fantasy related in the summary but that happens sometimes. Maybe the Fantasy was subtle. Finished the whole book. Not a speck of Fantasy. Legit Historical Fiction the whole time. Which is not a problem! I love Historical Fiction! But I don't love Historical Fiction when I'm expecting Fantasy. My expectations definitely tempered my enjoyment of this book.

These Shallow Graces follows Jo, a nice girl from a good Manhattan family with a bright future ahead of her--the only one really available for a young girl from a good family in the late 19th century: marriage to a gentleman and babies to follow soon after. But Jo wants more--she wants to be a journalist. She has an innate curiosity that she nurtured by working on her school newspaper (is that a thing a girls school would have had in the 1890s?). But one day, she's called to the office to get the news that her father has died. In a locked room. By bullet wound.

Everyone says it must have been an accident. He was cleaning his gun. But Jo wonders why her father, an experienced hunter and gunman, would clean his gun with bullets in the chamber? He wouldn't. Some are saying it was suicide. But that doesn't ring true either. And when Jo overhears a young journalist discussing his death as murder, she decides he's just the one to help her learn the truth.

By day, Jo is your typical young woman looking for a husband. By night, she's a secret journalist, following leads with Eddie Gallagher and venturing into the seedier parts of town. She meets hustlers, prostitutes, coroners, and crimelords all while maintaining her modesty and falling in love.

Like I said, the book was pretty good. I mean, it was painfully obvious who the culprit was, as were numerous other subplot mysteries, but the characters are engaging and the book was actually pretty funny. Ladies, imagine walking down the street and someone offering you money, repeatedly upping the price and trying to convince you to take it. That happens to Jo and she has no idea the man is actually propositioning her. It's hilarious. And seriously, could Eddie Gallagher be a more perfect for name for a journalist?! The answer is no.

And I was curious about how the author would wrap up the love thing. How could Jo end up with the journalist? Her family would never allow it. And if she did marry him, she would be penniless. WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER? I was very satisfied with the way that ended. Just FYI.

Empress of a Thousand Skies

YES. READ THIS BOOK. I absolutely loved it. As I was reading this futuristic Sci-Fi space opera, I thought it seemed short and I was afraid--what if it wasn't fully developed? What if the author didn't think through the world fully and it was something that just didn't come together well? (As a fan of Leigh Bardugo and Laini Taylor, the QUEENS of world-building, this was a legitimate concern for me). And I really wanted to love this book. Turns out, my fears were unfounded! 🙆‍♀️💃👏❤

The Empress of a Thousand skies follows two characters and is told from alternating points of view. The first is Rhiannon (Rhee), the only surviving member of the Ta'an ruling line. Her family was killed, and by a fortunate accident, Rhee was not on the ship when it blew up. She has grown up away from the public eye, practically exiled from her kingdom to keep her safe. Now, the time has come for her coronation, and she plans to take revenge on the person who killed her family.

The second character is Alyosha (Aly). He's a Wraetan refugee who joined the military and is now a reality TV star. His homeland was bombed after years of war and prejudice against his people. Aly works hard to show that not all Wraetans fit the stereotype: he's not loud or aggressive.

"People already thought Wraetans were loud and picked fights. He wasn't going to add fuel to that fire."

So aside from the fact that this book is amazing just because of the story, it also tackles social issues. Race is obviously a huge one it addresses, but it also addresses issues of privacy and personal rights.

In this world, everyone is fitted with a cube. Cubes record memories. Everything that happens in a person's life is recorded so they can look back on it whenever they want. The cube puts the memories into files, and those files that are accessed most often are kept near the surface of the cube. If you like remembering that time you and your sister braided each other's hair, you can pull it up immediately. On the other side, if you hate that memory of your grandmother dying, you never have to access it.

You can porbably already see some problems with this...what about those who have suffered trauma? If they never think about it, can they heal? There are even conspiracy theories that people can be tracked by their cube! *Gasp!* What if someone could get into another person's cube and change, or even erase, memories.  How dangerous would something like that be?

On her way to the coronation, someone tries to assassinate Rhee. She escapes, but the media is claiming she's dead, and they're blaming Aly, who found an (almost) empty escape pod from Rhee's ship. He's the perfect scapegoat: he's Wraetan, so people are already suspicious of him. Better yet, blaming him heightens suspicionof and prejudice toward other Wraetans, which could spark a war. Rhee has to find a safe place and a way to make it to the throne. Aly has to find a way to prove he didn't kill the princess.

This book was fantastic. I loved the characters. I loved the action. I loved the story. I hate that it was short, but I love that it was packed so full. I can't wait to read book two!

Entangled

Interesting concept--badly executed. Entangled is a self-published book I got for free as an e-book. I don't download very many books because I prefer the book-in-hand experience. I find that I connect to a book more when I'm holding it and turning pages. It's more impactful (Do I sound elitist yet? 😉). But 1. The book was free and 2. The cover was stinkin' beautiful!

Entangled is about Gray, a teenage witch, and not a very good one at that. She's twin to the beautiful, talented Charlene, who is popular, dating the most popular boy, and scrupulously maintains her image. Gray, on the other hand, is a bit of an outsider, eats and wears whatever she wants, and is not the magic prodigy her early years predicted she would be. The one thing she can do is make herself invisible-essentially erase herself, and then fill herself back in when she wants to be visible again. The problem is, she's not supposed to do this in public because a non-magic human could catch her.

And then she gets caught. Raj, the bad boy witch slash love interest, sees her appear in a place she wasn't before and is suddenly fascinated with Gray, someone he's never spoken to before. He makes some creepy, aggressive, inappropriate advances toward her (ick) while trying to get her to reveal her secret. He basically falls in love with her in a few seconds.

Then Gray dies.

Whaaaaaat?!

I may not have read the synopsis before I started reading this. Her death came as a bit of a shock.

Gray wakes up one morning in her sister's bedroom and can't figure out how she got there--dressed in her sister's nighty, to say the least. The house is empty, but she gets up and goes to school, and when she sits down in class, everyone stares at her. The teacher is all like, Charlene, this isn't your class. And Gray is very confused. She gets home, finds her mother, and finds out she's been dead for two months and is now sharing a body with her sister. She's only Gray every other day.

Interesting, right?

But wow, were there some problems! The story itself was decent (except for the fact that you could figure out how Gray died IMMEDIATELY!).

First of all, the story opens with Gray standing at the bottom of the school with Charlene on the roof threatening to jump off because her boyfriend broke up with her. And Gray was making fun of her for it.  That's not an ok way to treat suicidal behavior in your novel, unless you're going to turn it around and show that it wasn't ok. Plus, Charlene was faking her behavior for the attention it would get her. Also not an ok portrayal of suicide.

Second, Charlene threatened (multiple times!) to hurt/kill the girl her boyfriend made out with. AND HER MOM AND SISTER JUST WAVE IT OFF! "Oh, she wouldn't do that, but let me put a magical protection spell on her anyway." *Not actual quotes.* In fact, their mother borders on neglectful given the sociopathic things coming out of her daughter's mouth. She doesn't take any of it seriously, and Charlene is clearly deranged. At one point in the story, Charlene destroys all of Gray's clothes because she doesn't want Gray wearing them on the days Gray has Charlene's body. The entire wardrobe. Destroyed.  Zero consequences from Mom.

Third, the Raj-Gray relationship makes little to no sense. He starts out as a really huge jerk, a side of his personality that completely disappears later in the book as he grows to care for Gray, but that jerk part of him is what attracts her? He gets angry at Gray in school one day, gets called out by the teacher for not paying attention AND THEN POPS OPEN THE TEACHER'S SHIRT WITH HIS MAGIC POWERS AND JOKES TO GRAY ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S SEXY. Oh, she also wraps a shoelace around his throat and threatens to choke him after he uses his magic to freeze her and pull her hair hard enough to bring tears to her eyes.

Match made in heaven, right?

So. Many. Problems. With this book. Don't waste your time.

13 Minutes

I don't really read Thrillers, but my best friend does. Every now and then, she throws one my way to read. She received 13 Minutes as an ARC from the publisher  because she read the author's adult novel, Behind her Eyes, and wrote the author to tell her how much she loved it. The problem is, 13 Minutes is YA. My friend vehemently doesn't read YA.

But she read it! She asked me to read it for a second opinion since she's not familiar with the genre. I don't read very much Teen Fiction--mostly just Fantasy--and most of the problems I had with this book are the reason.

13 Minutes is about a girl named Natasha who is found dead on a river bank. They revive her, but she was dead for (pause for dramatic effect) 13 minutes! Natasha doesn't remember how she got into the lake. She knows it wasn't a suicide attempt, so it seems to be foul play. The story is told from the third person with a mix of diary entries, police reports, and news articles thrown in.

Natasha is one of those 'most popular girls in school' type people. And not one of the super nice, friends with everyone type. The school calls her and her two best friends, Hayley and Jenny, the Barbies. They rule the school and make or break others' reputations. But when Natasha wakes up in the hospital, it isn't the Barbies she asks for; it's Becca Crisp, the childhood best friend she dropped. Becca is on the fringe of the social ladder at school. She's a bit rougher around the edges, has a 19 year old boyfriend, and only one real friend at school. So when Natasha starts paying attention to her again, it makes her feel pretty good.

Natasha knows something must have happened the night she was found, and she suspects Hayley and Jenny. They've been talking about her and hanging out with her behind her back, and they'd been fighting a lot before Natasha's accident. So she asks Becca to help her figure it out. They start hanging out together more. Becca starts ditching her other friend to see Natasha, which causes friction between them.

The whole first half of the book was painful to sit through. I tend not to read YA Fiction because I don't care about teenage mean girl drama or the romantic relationship drama or the angsty 'I feel sorry for myself but I'm hiding it by acting out' drama. And while I am aware that some teens relate to it because that's what being a teenager is, I personally, do not care to read about it. Just not my speed. So, I did not enjoy most of this book. The second half of the book, where you really get into the meat of what happened and Becca has nothing but solving this mystery on her mind--that almost made up for the first half.

So it was not a failing on the part of the author that I didn't like this book--it was just a matter of reader preference. Others may really find it compelling.

But me-I'm off to find a good fantasy!

The Novice

Not gonna lie, this was super lukewarm for me. The Novice is about Fletcher, an orphan adopted by a blacksmith. They live in a small medieval type town on the edges of the kingdom. In this world, humans are warring with orcs, and not really getting along with dwarfs or elves either.

So, you know, Lord of the Rings.

To help fight the orcs, there are soldiers called Battlemages. Battlemages have been tested for an affinity for summoning and can summon demons from another world. They capture them and use them to help them fight.

So, you know, Pokemon.

Fletcher has never been tested-he lives too far away and they don't test orphans for reasons having to do with bloodlines and the implications of people not from certain noble families having Battlemage blood. But Fletcher is given a summoning scroll out of gratitude for a kindness, and he accidentally summons a demon--something he's not supposed to be able to do.

He leaves home and travels to the main city, where there's a school for training Battlemages. There, he is able to reach out and make friends with a dwarf, an elf, and other humans, which was incredibly uncommon given the bad history between the races. But Fletcher is just generally a good guy. I mean, a really good guy. He sticks up for people, he's not racist or prejudiced, he tries to include everyone. Except maybe the nobles at the school, who are, in all fairness, absolute douches. Because, you know, entitlement.

The book wasn't bad. I just didn't get into it. You could definitely see the author was heavily inspired by other fantasy worlds. There were also strong elements of the Eragon series at work (I didn't enjoy that either). I think it's a great story for someone who is new to fantasy (or even new to reading) and hasn't seen many of these elements before, but I read A LOT of fantasy. For me, it felt like I'd read the same story before.

I will comment on a couple of things I think it handled well.

First, Fletcher wasn't the most talented Battlemage at school. I think it was cool that the author didn't write Fletcher to be more powerful than everyone else. When they were determining levels, my expectations were conpletely turned on their heels when he turned out to be just average. He gets better using technology because it's the only way he can win the competition they have to be in at the end of their year. Plus, this new tech only comes about as a result of his friendly collaboration with dwarfs. 👍

Second, I think the racism aspect was handled very well throughout this book. It's definitely iffy (but necessary!) to handle social issues in books, and if they're not done well, there's a lot of blowback. Go look at some reviews of The Black Witch by Laurie Forest. I couldn'teven finish it because it was so problematic. I think Matharu was sensitice, had an open main character, and showed the benefits of cooperation between different races (in addition to the reality of many people being against it).

Again, I can see the appeal this story had for a lot readers, and clearly tons of people love it. It just didn't thrill me 🤷‍♀️

The Forbidden Wish

I don't know if you guys noticed, but retellings are HUGE in YA. Here, let's make a list:

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer
Hunted by Megan Spooner
A Twisted Tale series by Liz Braswell
A Thousand Nights by E.K. Johnston
Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge
The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh
The Splintered series by A.G. Howard
The Dorothy Must Die series by Danielle Paige

And the list goes on...

The Forbidden Wish is an Aladdin retelling, and there aren't very many of those. There are a few Thousand and One Nights retellings, but not many that focus on just Aladdin.

One thing I love about Jessica Khoury is that her books are stand alones. That is very rare in YA. I read Origin years ago and I loved it, too. That was before I was quite the YA buff I am now. I don't know how I'd feel about it now if I read it again. But I will say The Forbidden wish did not disappoint me. Jessica Khoury is vastly underrated, I think. We don't get a lot of requests for her books in the bookstore, and it's a shame. She's a fantastic storyteller.

It's a story about Zahra, a thousands year  old (female!) genie, and Aladdin, a thief. But it's also about fixing past mistakes, finding redemption, saving a kingdom and, oh yeah, love. Aladdin is hired to steal a ring from the palace, but instead of taking it to the party that hired him, he keeps it. As soon as he steals it, it starts speaking to him, pulling him toward something. That's how he finds Zahra's lamp, which has been hidden for 500 years. Zahra expects Aladdin to be just like any other master: to make his three petty wishes and move on while she gets passed from greedy hand to greedy hand. Instead, he uses his wishes to take revenge on the man who killed his parents: the  Grand Vizier character who is the Sultan's brother. To do this, he has to become--you guessed it--a prince. He has to try to win the princess's hand in marriage. Aladdin and Zahra have to spend a lot of time together to make this happen and their forbidden attraction grows.

There is so much depth and subplot to this story that it's difficult to fully summarize it, especially without giving anything away. Ultimately, the book was amazing. I think Khoury found a great balance between action, character development, and the backstories, which must habe been incredibly difficult. The rimance between Aladdin and Zahra is not even the most important part of the story, which was nice. There was definitely growing romantic tension, but it wasn't over-emphasized. She didn't sacrifice the story to the romance.

All of the secondary characters are very well-developed. You get glimpses of their backstories that help you inderstand their motivations, who they're trying to impress, what their goals are, and so on. The setting is so vivid: it's a city with a rune-like shield around it to keep out magical creatures. A war between humans and jinn has been waging for centuries, and genies are an object of hatred (which makes Aladdin having a genie pretty dangerous). There are secrets and loyalties are tested. It has all the best, natural type of drama you want in a good story. Also, the cover is really pretty!  Trust me 😉

Caraval

Caraval got a ton of attention when it came out. It was Stephanie Garber's debut novel, and everyone in the YA world was talking about it. First of all, the cover is BEAUTIFUL. And everyone judges books by the cover. Don't lie-you do it. Second of all, it was widely compared to the Night Circus, which is an amazing adult novel full of magic and elegance and mystery. I think Caraval didn't quite hit the elgance mark, but two thumbs up to the other comparisons!

Caraval is about Scarlett, a character whose roles define her. She is a big sister, an abused daughter, and just generally afraid of life. She is most definitely NOT a strong female heroine. Scarlett is cautious and always thinking of consequences. She is engaged to marry a man she's never met, but with whom she corresponds regularly. Judging by his letters, she believes her betrothed to be a kind and and decent man. Scarlett's sister, Donatella is rash and reckless, and Scarlett strives to protect her, but it's hard when Tella is always doing things that will infuriate their father if she gets caught. Their father is one of those quiet, hidden evil kind of people. He's manipulative, abusive, and controlling. When one sister gets caught doing something that angers him, he abuses the other sister to use their close relationship against them. It's not something you see much in the book, but it definitely defines Scarlett's character.

As a child, Scarlett heard stories about the Caraval, a type of magical show where the audience goes on a scavenger hunt and follows clues to win the game, whereupon they earn a prize. She writes to Legend, the leader of Caraval, every year, asking him to put on a show near them so her sister can attend. Finally, she gets an invitation. But why would she accept? She's engaged and on the cusp of escaping her father and taking her sister with her. Her whole life is about to get better.

But then Donatella, with her reckless and roaming nature, leaves without her. And as a good big sister, Scarlett has to go after her, of course. So she gets a ride from a young (attractive!) sailor who agrees to take her in exchange for her extra ticket. So Scarlett goes to Caraval!

This book wasn't everything (for me) that the hype claimed it was, but it was still really good. I most liked the growing relationship between Julian (the sailor) and Scarlett. You could tell he had his own agenda going into Caraval and that Scarlett couldn't completely trust him, but even when he tried to be mean or leave her on her own, he couldn't do it. Like when Scarlett has to pay for something with two days of her life (you don't use money in Caraval), and it's not what she's expecting, he helps her. He was definitely one of my favorite characters in the book. Tella, on the other hand, I did not like very much. In all fairness, she wasn't in much of the book because she gets kidnapped during Caraval, but during her limited screen time, she annoyed me. Maybe we get a more accurate assessment of her character in book two.

Despite the fact that I didn't fall in love with Caraval like I expected to, I am still really excited about book two. It will be the author's second book and I feel like the writing can only get better!

The Young Elites

I read the Legend series by Marie Lu not long ago. I can't say I loved it, but it was a well-crafted and well-developed story. Marie Lu is a fantastic writer. Something about the story just didn't resonate with me. The same thing happened with The Young Elites.

The Young Elites takes place in a fantasy world where a virus tore through the country. In addition to killing a great percentage of the population, it also turned some of the survivors into malfettos: scarred individuals with special powers.

Adelina survived the virus, but she has not developed any special powers. According to her father, she is useless. Who would want a scarred, silver haired, one-eyed bride? Her father tried for years to provoke a gifted response from her, through both physical and verbal abuse. Finally, her power shows itself, and she kills him with it.

Oh, the irony!

He totally deserved it.

So she gets arrested, and then rescued during her execution. Who rescues her, you ask? Why, the young elites! They're led by Enzo, the former heir to the throne. You know, before it turned out he was a malfetto and his older sister ran him out of the city. The young elites are hoping that Adelina can help Enzo take back the throne, and ultimately make gifted individuals an accepted-rather than shunned-part of society.

Adelina was definitely an interesting main character. She had a terrible childhood, was always told she was worth nothing, had only a naive sister for company, and then suddenly finds out she has this powerful gift. So, to sum it up, she has issues.

Adelina's thoughts are dark. Not only does she hear whispers, but she also sees her dead father. He speaks to her after death and continues to tell her how unloveable she is. On the surface, she seems fairly stable, though some of the characters have their doubts. As a result of a third person omniscient narrator, so does the reader. Sometimes, when Adelina was thinking, I just wanted to scream at her! The way she thinks is not okay. She is desperately at risk of becoming the bad guy. Even though the reader can totally sympathise with why she thinks the way she does, we know it's wrong.

Ultimately, I'm absolutely going to read the next two books. And, more importantly, I'm absolutely going to read Warcross when it comes out later this year. EVERYONE is talking about it. There is so much good YA coming out this Fall!

I hope my kids can feed themselves by then... 🤔

Daughter of the Pirate King

Guys, this book was fabulous! Pirates! What is more romantic than pirates? Obviously, I don't mean the unbathed, missing teeth, greasy hair, one legged cut-your-throat-for-a-shilling type pirates. I mean the tough-on-the-surface-but-with-a-heart-of-gold type pirates. And also, dreamy. Can't forget dreamy.

Except in this story, it wasn't just the love interest who was a pirate! It was the main female character. And I loved her. She was brilliant.

The book is told from the point of view of seventeen year old pirate captain, Alosa. She's the daughter of Kalligan, the man who created the rules for pirates and basically rules the seas. Being the daughter of a pirate--the king of pirates--she had a pretty rough upbringing. Her father had very high expectations for her intelligence, cleverness, stamina, fighting skills, manipulation, etc.

When the book opens, her ship is being boarded by other pirates, and she is being taken prisoner. Not very promising, right? Her captors are Captain Draxen and his first mate and brother, Riden. They think they have quite the prize and plan to ransom her off. But Alosa is more than they bargained for: she's on a mission. There are three pieces of a treasure map that were divided between three pirate lords, and she plans to retrieve them all. And to do that? She has to get on Draxen and Riden's ship.

First of all, there is so much chemistry between Riden and Alosa.

“And what about me? I was on a very important mission for my father when you captured me. You've ruined my entire week. I should take an ear for that.

“You wouldn't take my  ear. It would make it difficult to hear your whining. And I know how much you love that.”

Pirates, amIright? Even though you could definitely tell Riden was going to be the love interest, it didn't move too fast. You watch them get to know each other and try to repress their growing attraction. They bickered constantly and it was hilarious.

Also, there's actual death and killing in this book. It wasn't tamped down just because one of the pirate captains is a girl. She totes kills people, and feels no remorse about it.

Why aren't there more pirate fantasy books? I'm not going to reveal the fantasy part of the story because I feel like it's kind of fun and would spoil part of it for you. But let's have more pirates, yeah?

Also, I forget to mention, I accidentally sprayed my copy of the book with a hose when I took it outside to read one day. Fitting for a book that takes place on the water, right?

Life After Life

See? I read things besides YA!

Life After Life is by Kate Atkinson, a bestselling author with an impressive backlist of books. When this book came out a few years ago, everyone was talking about it and I desperately wanted to read it. But then, there were other books I desperately wanted to read, and I was in school, and it was really thick, and and and. You know how it goes. Ultimately, I'm glad I waited. If I had read this when it came out and when everyone was hyped up about it, I would have been desperately disappointed.

It was OK. At first it was really confusing.  It follows Ursula Todd, a British girl born in 1910 who dies on the day she's born. You're probably wondering: wait, the main character is dead? The answer is yes and no. Her life is saved when the physician snips the cord around her throat, and she takes her first breath. As Ursula grows up, she dies numerous times. But then, time resets and she has the chance to live these moments over--to change whatever it is that killed her. The catch is, no one actually knows this is happening to her. It's like the reader is a god looking down on the world and watching another god reset this girl's life over and over to see what will happen.

Ursula only experiences very strong senses of deja vu. She knows something terrible is going to happen and that she can find a way to prevent it. This is especially poignant when World War I ends in 1918 and the family's maidservant goes out with her beau to join the crowds of people celebrating. Know what else happens in 1918? The Great Influenza. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about what happens. #nospoilers

It was interesting to read the same experiences and watch them play out differently. It was interesting to see what a huge impact something that happened when she turned 16 has on the rest of her life, and then how her life changed if that didn't happen. It was almost like a choose your own adventure story. You remember those, right?

Overall, I liked it. It was well written. It wasn't a bad story. It just wasn't riveting. It might have been more interesting if I had read it for a book club, if I was planning to discuss the different events with a group of people. But having read it on my own, it wasn't what I was expecting. And your expectations can make a huge difference in how you feel about a story. Sometimes, the there's too much hype.

Exit, Pursued by a Bear

I just finished listening to Exit, Pursued by a Bear by E. K. Johnston. It's not usually the type of story I would read because 1. It's YA fiction which I mostly don't read and 2. It's about a girl who is raped. I decided to pick it up because I heard good things from a friend. Also, because I met E.K. Johnston once. She stopped at the Barnes and Noble where I work on her way home one time and I got to meet her. She's awesome, btw. She's also won my undying loyalty so there's that...

But back to the book! Exit is about a girl named Hermione Winters. She's co-captain of her cheerleading squad about to enter her senior year of high school. The story opens with her attending her final cheer camp. She's taking it very seriously because at the end of her senior year, she wants her team to win nationals, a huge cheerleading competition. At camp, there's a lot of work to do, but there's fun, too. She's surrounded by her team, and teams from all over Canada, and get the chance to bond with many different people. Then, there's the dance. Hermione is having a great time. She's dancing with her friends, loving the music, out of breath, and someone hands her a drink. The next thing she knows, she wakes up in a hospital bed with her best friend Polly hovering over her. She doesn't remember anything else.

Let me just tell you hard it is riding a bike while bawling your eyes out. It's hard. I mostly listened to this while taking bike rides in the morning, and I'm glad I was alone. This is not the kind of book that you walk away from the same when you're done. Once I started, I felt this visceral need to finish the story, and I didn't want anyone interrupting it. It's hard to immerse yourself in the world of this girl whom this terrible thing has happened to, and then look back up at the real world and realize life is going on.

I feel like two elements had a huge impact on this story.

First, Hermione's fierce best friend, Polly. If anything tragic ever happens to me, I want someone like Polly there to stand up for me and hold me together. Polly was there every day when Hermione needed someone to take care of her. She was also there when it was time for Hermione to be strong on her own. Polly defended her, protected her, and told her the truth when she needed to hear it. She was profoundly unselfish in a way that I imagine it's hard for anyone to be. I want my own Polly and I want to be that strong for someone if anyone I know ever needs it.

The second element was the fact that Hermione didn't remember her rape. This made her post-trauma experience very different. She knew that she was raped, but since she remembered no part of it, she didn't feel like she was raped. She didn't have flashbacks or nightmares. She wasn't frightened to be around men or have someone touch her. She mostly behaved throughout the book like any other teenager, and had to make sure those around her treated her like one. She was relatively emotionally stable. The book demonstrated how different assault experiences have different effects. Just because she wasn't in hysterics doesn't mean it didn't happen, and I think it's an important comment on how our culture responds to rape. The book brings up important questions of victim-blaming and coping mechanisms. Hermione has a loving and supportive family, friends, a team, a therapist. There are numerous people for her to turn to if she needs help. This certainly made a huge difference in her healing process. Those who don't have such a support system in place are at a huge disadvantage.

I don't know if 'love' is the right word for how I feel about this book. It was impactful. It was riveting. It made a strong impression on me. And it was so worth it.